I am in a vortex of obligation.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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