he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
