i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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