Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
