its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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