i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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