I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
