we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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