No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
