yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
