You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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