Swine flu. Run for my life!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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