weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
