You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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