the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
