dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
