So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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