A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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