We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
