did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
