I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
