I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
