theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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