THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
