My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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