So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
