I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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