nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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