if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You are a genius and a whore.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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