I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she told me i tasted like america
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
