i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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