put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Too much gin, very little bucket
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
