Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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