Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
