HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
