She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
