I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
third nipple confirmed
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
