Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
