I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
