Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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