I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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