oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
