Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want nice things and good sex
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
