my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
