tell your sister to shave her snatch
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
