i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
