Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
