Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
