alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
