A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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