Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
