she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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