Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
