i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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