me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
