I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we're chasing vodka with high fives
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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