Plan B is the new Plan A
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
