Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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