FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
