the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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