i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize