Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize