This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
